Thursday, 16 April 2009

Easter weekend bombshell

When I wrote my previous posts about my search for a care home for my elderly mother who has dementia and then about the turmoil in our family I half expected to be dropped in it by my brother but probably not in such brutal circumstances as I now find myself in. Over the Easter bank holiday weekend I received several e-mails from my brother relating to my mother. The most difficult to stomach was the one in which he informed me that he would be away on business, on and off for the next three weeks, leaving my mother with no carers and no support. It has got to the point that she is no longer safe on her own and he has been going round on a regular basis to sort out problems and keep an eye on her. It is one of his specialities to send me a nasty e-mail as a bank holiday greeting. On this occasion it did not upset me as my senses were numbed and blunted by a head cold. We had had to cancel a visit to see an old school friend of my husband who lives in Wilmslow. Socialising is not my thing when I have a throat that feels like barbed wire, a nose that looks like Rudolph and a head like a singing kettle. Fortunately by Tuesday I was over the worst of the cold and as I do not have much work on this week I was able to ring around and look at yet more care homes. I must have looked at at least ten homes, in total, but none has been as good as the home that I already got Mum's name on the waiting list for. The manager there has been very understanding and as from next Sunday my mother should become a resident in that home. I say should, as this weekend my husband and I have the unenviable task of collecting her from Sussex and getting her installed in the care home which is near Chester. Please wish us luck as we are going to need it!


and an Award

A few weeks ago now I was kindly given this This Blog Has a Heart award by Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3. I had not got around to posting it because I have been occupied elsewhere initially with my husband and now with my mother, so there has been very little me time or blogging time. Many of you in blogland already have this award so have decided that anyone who leaves a comment wishing me luck for the weekend may have the award, if they wish.

24 comments:

CG said...

Good luck from me...and a big hug, I have had similar experiences!!

Sniffles and Smiles said...

I'll not only wish you luck, but I will pray for you as well...I am sorry about your brother...and even sorrier to hear about your mum. Thank you for your kind and warm comments, and sympathy...it seems our Dads died about the same time ...even though, it has been a while, it still hurts doesn't it? My heart is with you as you walk this road with your mother...it is so difficult to arrange care...and to have the full brunt of the decision-making on your shoulders alone...I know you must be very tired. Grace and peace to you ~Janine XO

imbeingheldhostage said...

Oh good grief, we sure can't pick who we get to be family with, can we! That's terrible that he's done this (again) and I'm so sorry you've been ill. I am wishing you luck and hope everything works out well for you and you find the right place quickly.

A Brit in Tennessee said...

Sorry to hear this, and at the same time, I wonder why siblings are so different when it comes to responsiblity.
It's obvious your mum is not capable of taking care of herself, do they have sitters over there, where the people come to your home, for extended periods, and take full charge ?
It is quite common here.
Your mum reminds me of Dame Thora Hird, in the film Lost for Words; oh how I laughed and cried.....
I wish you luck, and resolution.
Hugs,
Jo

Midlife Jobhunter said...

Been there, Cheshire Wife. Ain't family great? But what I have found is that once you recognize what each has to offer, you all can go off in their directions and get things done.
I feel for you. Take good care of yourself. Take deep breaths. It will be okay.

Scriptor Senex said...

Very best of luck. Keeping fingers crossed that it will all work out. I never cease to be amazed at how fortunate I am to have a wonderful brother.

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

I do wish you luck CW. Your brother seems unkind - he obviously cannot cope and knows you will.

I have not had that kind of problem yet with my mum but she is partly disabled and relies on me a lot. I have no brother or sister so whatever happens it will be down to me to sort it out.

Thinking of you. A x

Maggie May said...

Its sad enough to have to cope with your Mum's illness without having the problem with your brother.
I am so sorry and hope you find a good place for her to be.
Hope brother will be suitably ashamed of his behaviour and amend it.

Lindsay said...

Been there and done all that! I wish you all the luck in the world. My Dad moved into care home with my help 3 years ago and is now 90. My brother lives in Australia. My horrible horrible cousin lives about 5 miles from us and on the day of moving my dad into the home he sent an email to me which read "Do not move my uncle into a pokey room". Not even a phone call!!! I was upset and called horrible cousin's wife. The next thing I heard that evening was a telephone call from horrible cousin who just said (excuse language here) "P*ss off girl". That was three years ago. I took the hint and did "p*ss off" - I have never spoken to that family again!

I really really hope you have a smooth transition and both you and your mother find peace. I am finding it a hard slog!

Rob-bear said...

As the only child of elderly (now deceased) parents, I an understand some of the challenges you face. So my heart goes out to you in these miserable trials, especially with a brother who appears to be worse than useless.

I do hope the planned move comes off without too many hitches.

Hugs and blessings from the ol' bear.

cheshire wife said...

Thank you all for our good wishes and support.

SJA - there are pros and cons to being an only child. At least you do not have a sibling to argue with but I can understand how you feel.

Lindsay - the only room available is pokey! I am not expecting things to be easy be at least Mum will be in the nearest home to me and she will be safe.

French Fancy said...

Good luck my blog friend. I remember driving my dad from France to a home in North London and his little face as I left him there. They told us to go so they could settle him in and that it would be best to leave them too it - they were probably right but it tore at my heart.

I'm thinking of you

Maternal Tales said...

Gosh you poor thing. At least you know that once your Mother is installed near to you, she'll be in safe hands. I hope that will be a weight off your mind...

Working mum said...

Yes, good luck. I hope the move goes well and then you have some peace of mind knowing that your mother is well cared for and near to you.

Suburbia said...

Congratulations on your award.

I am sorry for you and your mother, I hope the move to the home goes better than you expect.

Gilly said...

Bit late, but I wish you luck! I too have been there and done that! And its not easy. But as far as my own mother was concerned my sister and I had different "gifts". She sat and cried with my Mum, while I dashed round and got things put right! Consequently, my mother saw me as "hard" and no feeling! Still, that's life. We did our best. And you can't do more.

French Fancy said...

I think of you quite often these days you know - it's quite a traumatic thing you are coping with. I'm an only child but you might as well be, for all the use your brother is being.

Once she is settled in it will all be alright you know. My dad settled in after about three months, although he never really mixed with them very much - he kept himself to himself.

Is you mum a lively type or like my dad?

Zip n Tizzy said...

I'm so sorry for the challenging relationship with your brother.
I hope the move has gone smoothly and that she is comfortably settled, bringing some rest for you.

cheshire wife said...

Thank you all for your comments and support. They have been much appreciated.

The weekend went much better than I had dared hope. Mum is now settling into the home.

FF thank you for your concern. I would not describe my mother as lively but she will talk to anybody who will listen to her

Rob-bear said...

Glad to know that things have worked out for you, your brother notwithstanding.

Virtual hugs to you from the Canadian bear.

Susie Vereker said...

Good luck, CW. I am sorry you are having such a difficult time but glad your mother has now got a place in the home near you.

Catharine Withenay said...

I trust your mother is settling in well in her new home. It must be a very traumatic time for you, but you can be comforted that you are doing the best you can for her in the circumstances.

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